Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
