If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
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