can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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