the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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