no, he came in my armpit
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
