I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
