Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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