I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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