the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
