Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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