I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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