yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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