honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
