the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
