don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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