It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
