Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
