just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
