Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
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No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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