I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
