I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
