glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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