Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
operation have a gay friend backfired
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
