Rock
Scissors
Fuck
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
