I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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