can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
