I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
