The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
