at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
only you would photoshop your dick
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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