At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
