was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I need to sanitize my soul.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
