Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
