Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
