i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
