It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
