he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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