just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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