Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
