I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just made my gag reflex go away.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
