thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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