apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
