We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
