My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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