I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
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I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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