u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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