People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
