why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
