Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
