my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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