Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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