margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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