somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
