I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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