fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
