Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it glows. i had to have it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
