I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Randomize
