ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
