Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
