I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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