every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i think im in europe. pls send help
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
