My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize