I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
