Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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