I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
