Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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