Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
