why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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