I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
