just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He did a backflip because drugs
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize