do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she pinky promised me she was 18
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
