The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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