I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
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I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How does it feel to date your dad?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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