this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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