haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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