Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
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i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
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Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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