sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
