You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
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