He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
