Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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