Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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