He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
