pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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