dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
