Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
