so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
